1....And after the jaw surgery

Sorry its been awhile since I posted,but I had my jaw surgery and am in the recovery process,got my rubber bands put on this week and they are annoying,but I'm adjusting.

1. Be happy,because thats all I really want.

My jaw surgery went well,I don't remember anything between going into the operating room and laying on the bed and waking up like a day later and having the nurse tell me to cross my arms so she could lift me and adjust my body in the hospital bed. so theres a good 12 hours or so that I don't remember of my life this year.

2.....1......Number 2

#2. Go somewhere new and just observe my surroundings, get a feel of the environment and the atmosphere, observe fellow beings in their current habitat in which they act.

Basically I want to go somewhere I've never been before and observe people who I don't know.

Ten days until my jaw surgery and I'm freaking out a little, my friend said to imagine the hospital room like a very intrusive spa,so I'm sure that'll help?

3.....2.....1......Number 3

#3. Reconnect with myself and ultimately not be afraid of failure.

Counting down to October 30th is time consuming,so I'm going to do something a little different with this post. I've been thinking lately and I took out my senior yearbook from high school which was a little over a year ago. I was looking at the quotes from the senior class,as well as a few of the million messages my friends signed in my yearbook and one in particular stuck out and literally hit me in the face with a brick,actually a couple of them did from two really great guys in my senior class,one who is departed now and I don't know if he would mind if I share his quote or not since I can't physically talk to him.

"No matter where you go, Frys, McDonalds, or simply take a walk, just make sure you always go in your best clothes."- Jose

Now I'll share part of the message one friend wrote in my yearbook.... "Hope that, whatever you do, you're happy." -Brenden S.

Now when you're young, you don't really think about your future too much, at least until its three weeks from your high school graduation or the first day of college or even the few moments after you get married,have your first child, or WHATEVER! I think grownups don't follow the general advice that my one friend has said "Whatever you do, you're happy."  It leads to this question in my mind, why aren't we happy everyday unless something great happens to us? When did we get to the point where a piece of technology makes us happier than a childs laughter? When did we start choosing financial gain over personal happiness? When did we start thinking about ourselves more than others?

I'm not sure when, and I'm not going to be cliche and say stop being selfish and start being selfless because I don't know if we know how to do that yet. It made me realize that I've been obsessing and thinking about the future instead of enjoying the moment I'm in now, thinking about how in the world am I going to pay for this when I should just enjoy the look in my dogs eyes when he plays with his food or the joy on my sisters face when she runs to answer the phone or even the sweet look in my parents eyes right before they kiss each other because they love each other so much and have loved each other in the almost 28 years they've been married.

I'm rambling,but I think the real question would be when did we stop enjoying the little things in life? When did we stop being brave and facing our fears wasn't a hard thing to do? I'm not sure what you guys are going to  do after you read this,if anybody does, but I'm going to simply be happy and enjoy the little things in life like the flowers blooming on the cactus in the neighbors front yard. The past is the past, the future is the future,but today is a gift. We only get one chance at life,we live everyday and we die once, unless you just happen to be someone who's cheated death once or twice.

I'm not trying to berrate any of you, I'm just saying maybe we should stop stressing and being grumpy,sleepy,sometimes dopey, needy, dependent on someone else and just be happy for a while.

The tv will be there,the news will almost always be boring or depressing, your cellphones not going to blowup if you don't turn it on, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pintrest, Tumblir, Snapchat, and all the other social media sites will still be there when you come back, but the moments you waste staring at a computer or tv or your PHONE won't be there for more than a moment. Enjoy life, eat, sleep, talk to your family, they seem nice right?

Just smell the roses and whatever you do, you're happy.

Thats it.

4....3....2....1.......Now with 4

Its 16 days until my jaw surgery and I only have this to say, Butterflies to me are peaceful. Fear can't get in the way of what you want to do, and I did something I wanted to do for awhile,see a butterfly up close.

4. See a butterfly up close without hurting it.

DONE!

I saw many butterflies like this one,but it was cool.

5….4…..3….2….1…….. Lets start with 5.......

Technically its 18 days until October 30th,but I already know I won't be able to sleep the night before it happens, I usually cant sleep very well the night before any surgery,but this time is different. I've never to my knowledge stayed overnight in a hospital before other than after I was born and I sure don't remember that. Fear is a funny thing,its something that keeps us from doing something daring and outrageous. It keeps us saying "what if I fail?" instead of "Who cares if I fail?"

So this is number five on a list of things I want to accomplish before I die

5. Go see the Grand Canyon.

I know its a big hole in the ground that many people either fall to their death into or camp out overnight after riding on a stinky donkey all day, but I still would like to see it, I grew up in the Grand Canyon state having never seen it in person.  That's something I would like to do. Simple as that.

Rainbows-Why are they here?

Why do rainbows exist? Science says its due to the sun shining after the rain falls, the cycle of photosynthesis. The Bible however, says something entirely different.

Everybodys heard of the story of Noahs Ark,God told Noah to build the ark and bring two of every animal on board along with his family as God was going to destroy all the evil things by making it rain for forty days and forty nights. Well after he did that, God made a promise to Noah that he would never flood the Earth to destroy flesh like that as long as the Earth is here, so to show his promise and remember the promise he made, God created a rainbow that would come out of the clouds after every rain. It makes me wonder if God made any other promises that resulted in the beauty of nature? I'm sure I'll find out,but I'm already learning and remembering things from the bible like man is not allowed to eat raw meat. Pretty cool. If you ask me though, I think God just wanted a rainbow to make the sky even more beautiful. Bible challenge Day 2.

100 day Bible challenge

This is day 1 of my 100 day Bible challenge. I am encouraging  myself to read the bible,just bits and pieces over the course of a hundred days to keep myself humble and get better understanding of why things happen in life.

No matter what I will read a few pages of my Bible each day, whether it be five in the morning or ten at night. I am doing this because earlier today I upset my parents,my sister and ultimately I  upset myself and God.                                        

Siblings fight, thats true for all of us who have sisters and brothers, well I hit my sister and she hit me right back, and that made my parents upset,although I'm not sure if they saw her hit me back or not because she started being a drama queen and crying. I did something wrong and apologized to her. But I want to have this not happen again.

So from today at 7:51pm until a hundred days from now which will probably include most of my recovery time from my jaw surgery and my jaw surgery itself, I will read my bible. Thats it.

OH! and my surgery date is officially October 30th,2014. I'll have more later.

How to deal with stress.....or at least how I deal with it

So I know lately I've been excited and just updating when I can about my jaw surgery,to the point where someone would get annoyed with me for talking so much,but there's a whole other side to preparing for anything that's life changing for anyone. The part nobody really likes to deal with or talk about,but lets be honest here...... everybody gets stressed and nervous and fearful and just worriesome.

Everybody has their breaking point where the stress or fear bottles up inside them and one day it just explodes out of them in one form or another,it could be screaming until your face turns red or crying until you can't cry anymore. Well yesterday, my stress bottled up inside me and came out in a bundle of nerves and tears. I controlled it as best as I could considering where I was at the time,but it came out slowly,but surely and I have to say, I saw this little breakdown as a sign that I'm not all brave and totally ready for this as I thought I was,and thats okay,because I will be ready either way for this day that the lord has made. I will rejoice in light of it,even though on the actual day I'll be sleeping mostly and probably in a little pain.

Thats it for now,bye!

Update on life….and my jaw surgery!

So, this post is going to be a little long, I'm warning whoever reads this in case you want to back out before you commit to this gig of reading a post of mine. Then again I'm never sure if anybody reads this blog except when I share it on my Facebook profile,then I know at least one or two people read it, then theres the fact that I can look at the views on each post when I go to edit or delete any drafts I have. Not that I do……okay maybe I do,but in all fairness this is a blog for me to keep track of my life and journey on this adventure to and after my jaw surgery.

Speaking of that, I have an update! We still don't have an official date( I feel like I should be asking guys to come and get their faces cut open with me when I say I don't have an official date), but I do have a tentative date,time and place, thats more than I had so I'm hoping it becomes official, I'm really hoping that I'll suddenly get like five letters in the mail officially confirming everything at once(in my dreams!) So our new tentative date is October 30th, 2014 at  a hospital(I'm not telling you which hospital in case anybody tries to steal me away in the night!) So thats good.

I got to see my friends baby sister on Friday and she is absolutely the most adorable baby in the world,no picture for the sake of the sweet babys privacy(I mean she is only a month old!) They look like a happy family and that baby is getting so much love.

I've also been getting addicted to Gossip Girl on Netflix, a show that I never ever thought I would watch,but can't get enough of now, I'm insane for liking such a show,but whatever!

I got a new steering wheel cover as well, I love it! I really think thats all I have today, so this post wasn't as long as I thought it was going to be…..so yeah, bye! OH! My dad brought home a pumpkin cupcake last night for my mom and I, mom doesn't like pumpkin and neither do I usually,but OMG THIS CUPCAKE WAS AMAZINGLY DELICIOUS! I DONT EVEN LIKE PUMPKIN BUT THIS CUPCAKE DID NOT TASTE LIKE THE HEAVY PUMPKIN PIE,IT TASTES LIKE A LIGHT FLUFFY CUPCAKE WITH CINNAMON FROSTING ON IT, I DIED AND WENT TO HEAVEN WITH THAT CUPCAKE! MMMMMMMMMMMM! and I think thats it now.

Finding Faith…. Connecting with your spiritual side in the midst of hardships

I'm going to straddle off from what this blog is usually about,which is my journey into jaw surgery and other fun stuff. I do have an update to my jaw surgery,but thats going to be saved for a later post until I know for sure its an update.  But I'm going to talk about something else, finding your faith and connecting with your spiritual side in the midst of hardships. Even if you aren't religious,thats okay. its not your story,we all have our own stories,so just hear me out for a few.


Matthew 5:8 Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.

I was born 19 years ago in March, to two loving parents who went to church, a brother who is a great older brother and a sister who had health problems,and still does(I'm not going into detail). As far as I can remember, going to church had been a big part of my younger life, I remember the drive to the church and the walking with my parents while they talked to the big people before the service started. I remember the church band and the christian songs we would sing, I remember being held in either parents arms while we sang and then the pastor would send all the kids off to sunday school in our respective age groups. I remember us going to church until I was probably in second grade. I did go to church with my friend and her church was fun, they had dancers from Africa,I think,but the dance was from a different culture. Anyways, we stopped going to church for awhile because our pastor moved to a new church and the church kind of disintegrated,so we just stopped going to church,or at least my parents did. My sister and I started going to church with a family friend for a few years until I hit my teen years. or high school I think,I'm still a little fuzzy on when I stopped going. But I did volunteer at the nursery at the church our old pastor is the pastor of now,but then they moved to another city and my parents didn't want to drive that far. So church going has kind of been nonexistent for me lately.

You may be wondering why I just gave you a life detail of my church going record, its mostly for me to know. but I think somewhere in my teen years I may have lost a little piece of myself. a piece I need and I have slowly been rebuilding that piece. And yet I'm not entirely sure if I ever lost that piece or if I really had a connection to my spiritual side. I know I did when I was younger,but I wasn't exactly a good girl as far as being honest and stuff. I admit I did some things that were not good in gods eyes like lie and steal, I mean I never stole from a store or a restaurant,but I did lie to my parents and steal from my friends, one particular friend I always returned the stuff I took,I don't know if thats stealing or not. Anyways I did clean up my act after my mom really yelled at me one night and said she couldn't trust me anymore. That really hurt my heart that I hurt my mom to the point where she couldn't trust me. so it took my awhile to regain her trust,but I did eventually and even though she never told me in words that I earned her trust back,actions speak louder than words, so I knew when she knew she could trust me again.

Now everybody tells little white lies from time to time and we really shouldn't because a lie is a lie no matter how big or small and I admit I am not totally honest 100% of the time,but I am working on it still, which leads me to my point that usually takes a long time to get to because I like to talk like my mom likes to talk. Somewhere I lost my spiritual side I think and I never really read the bible cover to cover,but I knew some of the biblical stories like the one of Noah's Ark and Adam and Eve and even had a book called the Odyssey which was kind of like a kids version of the bible with little biblical comics in it that had lessons about things like in the bible, I lost it though and forgot some of the stories. Hmm typing this post made me realize I still kept a little of my spiritual side, I just strayed away for a little while. I realize that I want to start going to church again, but I'm not sure how to pick a church, I may want to go back to the one with our old pastor,but the drive is far. I wasn't even sure what religion I was until my mom told me. I just want to stay in touch with God, and right now I'm doing that by watching christian movies,watching 19 kids and counting, reading bible quotes and praying about every other week. I really am trying and I may need some help on this road,so I guess pray for me. I realize this post is literally all over the place. I'm sorry.

JAW SURGERY UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Last time I had an update was when we got the approval for the headscan.


Heres an update on the update!!!!!!!


I just got my headscan done this morning at ten am and saw the X-ray of my skull and my orthodontist did the impressions on my teeth, for those of you who have never gone through impressions, let me explain what they do.
 Let me tell you something about headscans, for me, I have to take my hearing aids off so they don't show in the X-ray,it is the weirdest yet most normal thing for me to literally be told to go sit down and have this machine scan my head and not be able to hear anything or be able to hear just a little. be glad you "normal" people have ears.

So the orthodontist takes this thing that goes inside your mouth and onto of your teeth and puts it in your mouth to determine what size you need, in my case I always need the smallest size possible because my jaw is small. Then they take this goopy puddy and put it inside the contraption and then they put the thing with the puddy inside your mouth and smash it against your teeth so they can get an imprint of your teeth. The only thing is the puddy smells and if your tongue accidentally touches it, tastes like medicine and goop, kind of like play doh once you get the curiosity and try to eat it. its gross and I had to get four imprints done, so thats four rounds of really gross goop and I had to rinse my mouth out almost every time after they did it. Eww!

The surgery date is still estimated at October 29th,so thats about a month, I think though, we may end up either pushing it further into the beginning of November, or pushing it back closer to middle of October,we will see though.

Then they put a new set of rubber band on me, I got purple. They also had to give me a new bracket for one of my teeth because last week I was drinking a bottle of pepsi and was kind of maybe biting on the bottle and it slipped and knocked the bracket loose, but I didn't tell my orthodontist what I was drinking.

Lesson learned,never bite the top of any bottle while wearing braces! At least I had a name tooth for a few minutes while they did the impressions.

Being Different

             

They laugh at me because I'm different;

I laugh at them because they're all the same.

They laugh at me because I like reading;

I laugh at them because they like trashy reality shows.

They laugh at me because I'm a brunette;

I laugh at them because they're all blondes.

They laugh at the way I walk;

I laugh at the way they whisper.

They laugh at my lisp

I laugh at their lips.

They call me slow and retarded;

I call them ignorant and misguided;

They tease me, but I see the truth.

They see my weight in numbers;

I see my curves in beauty.

They see my height as short,

I see my height as 

A beautiful flower

One that didn't need

 to take long to grow.

They see the world one way,

I see it another

They see silicon and Botox

I see Barbie dolls multiplying everywhere.

They see their own kind

I see fake and impressionable minds

They see Beiber as a god

I see him as a fool with money.

They say money is power,

I say money is evil.

They say ignorance is bliss

I say ignorance is blind.

They say different is wrong;

I see different as strong

Because I'd rather be myself,

Than be like all the blonde silicon Barbie dolls who judge different.

If anybody reads this……..

If Anybody reads this post, just know you are loved by someone, even if you don't feel like you are loved by someone,you are. Also know this, you love at least two people in your life,even if you don't like them sometimes. Those two people are whoever you think of when you want to share exciting news with someone,whoever has your shoulder when you cry. It may be your parents,your siblings,grandparents, your neighbor next door who you go visit every other day because they're lonely and its nice talking to them. Someone loves you and you love at least two people in your life.

Now, everybody automatically thinks of one person they love when they're asked who loves you, but most people don't know the second person, and the second person is here,but not in the physical you can see them sense. Now before you decide to stop reading because you know where I'm going with this, please, just bear with me, I'm gonna go there,but not for too long. Trust me, this has a point to it.

There is someone who loves all of his children,you know who I'm talking about. Not all of his children love or know about him or his one son, I'm also going to say everything happens for a reason and the reason explains itself sooner or later. For example, say you had a very important meeting you had to get to with the head of your company, but your alarm clock doesn't go off,you oversleep and now you're late! 

You are mad as crazy and call your boss apologizing and ask to reschedule for later in the day. theres no answer.  You rush to get ready and turn on the news only to find that a plane has crashed into your workplace and its on fire now. You stop dead in your tracks and your eyes don't leave that television screen until the news is over a few hours later. By that time your workplace has burned down to the ground,another place crashes into the building next to yours and a third plane crashed into a major part of your companies headquarters. Theres also a fourth plane that crashed into the ground near the CEOs house that you don't know about yet,but will find out later at a meeting. Now aren't you glad you overslept,probably not at the moment,but soon you will be grateful for your life and mourn the lives of those who were lost in this awful tragedy.

Well,this probably happened to someone 13 years ago this morning, September 11,2001. I'm not sure who this happened to since I myself was only a kid at the time,but I've seen enough documentaries and videos of this day to know what went down and how many were affected by this. I think this was The man upstairs who did this,he has a reason for everything, I think it was to make us as a country aware that we're not immune to attacks, just because we go and attack other countries does not make us immune to being attacked ourselves. 

Now Riddle me this Joker, why is it easier for everyone to drop bombs on each other and shoot each other and hurt innocent bystanders than it is for everyone to sit down and talk things out?

Think about this for awhile and I'll tell you a story.

Are you getting tired yet?

This story is not gonna be pretty

Once upon a time, in a land far far away, there lived an angry man. He was so angry,but nobody knew why he was angry, he just was.

Well one day a sweet little boy came to visit him,try and cheer him up. The little boy entered the angry mans house and nobody ever heard from that little boy ever again.

The man was still angry,so a cute little girl who had heard of him in her town decided to pay him a visit and bring him some cookies. She entered his house and was never heard from again.

This happened a few more times with a few more cute boys and girls who were never heard from again after entering the angry mans house.

Then one day a boy visited the angry man,but this time the angry man was never heard from again and the bodies of the other children were recovered. The end

Now you're probably confused as heck and wondering what happened in the angry mans house, well, simple as this, he gave them poison and ate their heads, until one ugly boy came and chopped his head off. Not a good story or telling of the story,right?

It wasn't suppose to be a good story,it was a distraction while you thought about the question I asked earlier.

Why is it easier for everyone to bomb each other and go to war and hurt innocent bystanders than it is for us to sit down and talk it out?

Stubbornness, language barriers, cultural differences, MONEY,POWER, STUBBORNNESS, evil, who knows what the answer is. we all just know what we're doing now is only a temporary solution to a permanent problem. Unless we sit down and talk it out. five year olds know how to make up better than world leaders do. 

Now there is someone who loves all his children even if they don't know it. I think once we realize that he loves us,maybe,just maybe the evils will go away.

Now if you're still reading this. Please hug your loved ones,be grateful for your life. try and be happy even if you can't sincerely be happy, put a smile on your face anyways. lend a helping hand to someone who looks like they need some help. Most importantly, don't sweat the small stuff.

UPDATE! well kind of….

So we have kind of an update on the journey to the jaw surgery, we do have the authorization for the head scan that they need to do in order to make the acrylic model of my head so they can line everything up and figure out what needs to go where so in laments terms they don't screw anything up when they do the actual surgery. Then we still don't have a date for the actual surgery,but the estimated date would be October 29th if everything is done on schedule and smoothed out clear and stuff is done with a good amount of time in between the head scan and the surgery itself plus the other stuff I need to get done like getting all of the hooks into my mouth the day before the actual surgery,keep mentally preparing myself for the surgery, keep brushing and flossing my teeth and stuff. I'm just going to keep praying and be patient. I am hoping that we can get it done before Halloween so that I can be able to chew by Christmas(or somewhat chew) and not have to miss out on turkey and corn and mash potatoes. Plus it would be a good excuse for a spontaneous halloween costume if my face swells up like a balloon and I do somehow end up with bruises everywhere.

Sorry for the rambling, I'm just nervous and excited, I call it nervicted,which is not a word,but is to me. I'm just really hopeful and praying as much as a person could possibly pray, I don't think I've prayed this much about something before.  Now if anybody does happen to come across this and think I'm a lunatic or crazy. If anybody who knows me happens to come across this and is thinking "She doesn't need plastic surgery, she's beautiful as is!" Let me say this to you, you are right in that I don't need plastic surgery for cosmetic reasons because I am as beautiful as God made me to be and I know when I die I will leave my body and just be a soul, but I'm not doing this for cosmetic reasons, to tell you the truth, I didn't really want this surgery when I was younger,but everyone told me that I was going to have it. It was my Dad who actually told me what could happen if I don't get the surgery done, which is as I get older theres an increased chance of lockjaw and other stuff just because I do have a slight underdeveloped jaw. I did take a lot of time to think this through(try about 17 years of being told I was going to have it and two years of actually deciding for myself if I want to go through with this or not and actually weighing the pros and cons of this before coming to a decision) oh and I'm on my third year and almost a month in braces which to me means I've had braces about as long as I've had my one and only job. You tell me thats not patience, and I'm staying in braces through the surgery and a little while after it so they can adjust my braces to my newly aligned jaw. I am seriously rambling here. Even more than I usually do. So I guess thats it for right now. This is actually for medical reasons, so i can chew,breathe and overall just have a slightly healthier life. Maybe even get my trach removed?

THANKS HURRICANE NORBERT

We have rain today, the tv went off with the alarm saying hey flash flood warning for EVERYWHERE! its because its the backwash of Hurricane Norbert that came over the weekend. they're calling it the hundred year flood, I'm calling it slightly annoying.


Thanks Norbert

TAYLOR SWIFT SHAKE IT OFF!!!!!!

For some insane reason,this song really gets you moving and grooving,but it also has a subliminal message.

Shake it off, just gonna Shake it off!

All the liars and bullies and haters don't need to be on your mind, all you have to care about is you,well more like don't listen to negativity.


because Haters gonna hate hate hate hate hate

Players gonna play play play play play

I'm just gonna shake shake shake shake shake

Gonna Shake it off, just shake it off!



Taylor Swift has made genius once again.

Headscan and Joan Rivers

So we got the authorization for the headscan for my jaw surgery, now we just need to schedule it!!!!!!





On Another note, Joan Rivers died yesterday

  

There are many people mourning her death just like there are many laughing or cheering for the fact she's finally gone. All I have to say is this…

No matter what anybody thought about her, she is a legend and a pioneer for the women of comedy. She told the god honest truth about everything through her jokes,she worked hard to be in the industry. Without her we wouldn't have comedians like Kathy Griffin, Ellen DeGenerees or Sarah Silverman. Joan Rivers is like the Barbra Walters of comedy. and nobody, I mean nobody should disrespect a hard worker like her. May she rest in peace and chill with Robin Williams making the angels laugh.

BORED

So, I have literally been bored for the past two months while waiting for things to get moving on my jaw surgery,so I read this book and saw the movie,saw a few other movies, and have been working on my online class as well. I'm BORED though.


My life lately is on hold because I'm waiting to get this jaw surgery, everyone else is getting stuff done,doing things, going places and I'm just…….



WAITING!

I mean, I have already waited nineteen years for my head to grow and become fully grown before they can do anything and I'm trying my hardest to be patient, maybe I need to focus on other things and take charge of things. I am tired of waiting.




Its the waiting and the waiting, and the WAITIIIIIIINNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

God help me.

Patience……unfortunately……is a virtue

I have been trying to be very patient with waiting for the date for my jaw surgery,but the doctor is waiting for an authorization for a head scan to do the computer program so that they can figure out where everything needs to go before they do the actual surgery.


I am slowly losing patience here...

Hooks- one step closer to surgery

So today I got my first hooks that the surgeon will use to put the rubber bands on after the jaw surgery to keep the jaw in place and when the bands come on- the juicing diet starts :(


Only a few months until the jaw surgery and I still don't know the date.

The Past 19 years and four months

Dear self,

   These past 19 years and four months have been very interesting, there are many things you have done, many things you wish you would've done but didn't because you were too afraid to take chances, and things you will do, but don't know what they are yet. I only have these things to say to you…..




1. You were born to a loving family whether you think so or not. Your parents love you and have raised you to be the person you are as of this moment.

2. You were born with a disorder that makes you very unique and you've never really met anyone else in person besides your mom and sister with this same disorder( p.s. online is not the same as meeting in person)

3. You have talked to someone from Australia over social media and had a crush on him for about five seconds because he sounded cute.

4. You  have only gone on one "date" in these 19 years and four months, hopefully when you look back on this, that number will have changed.

5. You need to not be afraid of things, you are a leader, not a follower, you are just learning this about yourself.

6. Above all, you are at this point learning to put God first, others second, and yourself last even though you have mostly put others first your entire life.

7. you are not fat, you are not ugly, you are not a creature who needs to disappear from all time and space. you are unique.

8. You will be having jaw surgery, you don't know the date of your jaw surgery but have been told it will possibly be in October, be aware this might change since its near the end of July.

9. High school was a learning process, it was fun and challenging, you have some regrets, but it will not define you, your past does not define you.



I want to go on this journey so I can look back and not have regrets. this is a really lame post, but whatever, nobodies going to read this, only me.



Love, Me.